Introduction

As of August 2013 it’s been 9 years since my oldest son, Kyle, died unexpectedly and I still find it difficult to get on with life.  It simply doesn’t seem right that the world still revolves when someone so vital to my very existence is gone… but still I put one foot in front of the other and carry on with raising my other son, working, and various obligations … however the pleasure I once found in family, music, holidays, hobbies is muted, if not gone entirely.  Try explaining that to family and friends though and they act like I’ve grown a second head.  For me, it’s a matter of muddling through my new reality while hiding my tears, anxiety and disappointment from those who either don’t understand or simply choose not to acknowledge that my life has forever been altered. 

Through this blog I hope to exorcise my own pain, grief and anger, share Kyle’s story, express my feelings about everything from what happened to Kyle right down to my family’s attitude (and yes, I fully intend to be candid about what happened and/or was said).    Admittedly I’m incredibly angry about what happened, not just because my son died in an accident that could have easily been prevented, but the school he attended was aware he was engaging in ‘the choking game’ and nobody said anything until two days after his death, then I was told “I saw Kyle and so-and-so cutting off their oxygen supply using their hands and told them they were killing brain cells.”  Now, you might think that it wasn’t the school’s responsibility to clue me into this little issue but when a child has an IEP specifying that he has difficulties identifying dangerous situations, and they witnessed something like this then by God they should have picked up the phone!
 

Obviously Kyle's passing is only one aspect of my life but it affects everything from my hobbies right down to my attitude and newfound willingness to speak out and not take anything for granted.  I want to be able to encourage parents who have children or have lost children as I have to find reasons to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when life gets you down.